Bacon Blog
Nothing Says "I Love You, Mom" Like Indiana Kitchen
Most of us spend nearly our entire lives taking mom for granted, never really appreciating all that she's given of herself.
It's not because we're ungrateful.
It's because trying to recount everything mom has done—from that whole 23-hours-of-labor thing, to all the times she showed dad how silly his tough love concept was—well... it's just a task so daunting, it leaves us feeling defeated and worthless.
Thanks, mom. Thanks a lot.
Having said that, however, there is one special element of our 37 years living under mom's roof that really sticks with us.
It's the way she would wake us up every afternoon with a happy plate of bacon.
This time we say it without the sarcasm.
Thanks, mom. Thanks a lot.
You're the unequivocal best.
And know that we'd return the love, except for two obnoxious facts.
1. We can't seem to get the plate from the kitchen to your lap without the bacon disappearing.
2. We know that, as far as this taking for granted thing goes, you're guilty too. We had a long talk with grandma.
Jerks Masquerading as Concerned Friends
I can't stop talking about bacon.
I think about it all day.
Sometimes all night.
And now my friends have threatened me with a bacon intervention.
I don't think a bacon "detox" should ever be forced on anyone.
It's absolute [expletive].
After all, in the famous words of King Curtis: "Bacon is good for me!"
Dim lightsThis is my advice if you ever find yourself in a similar position...
Don't let your friends or fill-in mothers bully you.
Let your bacon obsession shine like an obnoxious lava lamp.
And, if these so-called friends persist, I see your King Curtis quote and raise you one tantrum.
Why Has No One Thought of This?
Well, they actually have. After all, there's no doubt we are in the midst of a true bacon craze, when there isn't a great idea yet to be discovered. Let's face it. Bacon fanatics are emerging everywhere you look. They can't help but want bacon-related, well, everything.
Bacon ice cream... Bacon milkshakes... Bacon soda... Bacon deodorant
The phrase, "Just add bacon," makes sense no matter what you're talking about.
So, here's our bacon BFO.
What if....!?
I mean, what if there was chocolate-covered bacon?
Which there is.
But when we saw this photo, the idea smacked us over the head like it was new.
So, we're gonna pretend it is new.
And here's the fail-proof recipe any dummy can make.
Or try the chocolate bacon with a kick.
BFOink, baby.
B-F-Oink.
Bacon Is Rooting for You!
Given the explosion of bacon-related products on the market today, it's nose-surprise that bacon air fresheners have become quite common.
http://www.mcphee.com/shop/products/Bacon-Air-Freshener.html
But there was a day not so long ago that we, humble bacon, would've killed to be an air freshener, dangling freely in the wind, seducing mankind and slap-happily putting him in touch with his inner carnivore.
So, we say to you, gasoline, basement, hair spray and glue... and to you, magic marker, mud and pencil eraser... and to you, rubber cement, moth ball and dog's breath... We totally understand how you feel.
And we want you to know that, as you stand on the outside looking in at those of us who make up the exclusive and prestigious air freshener club, we, humble bacon, are pulling for you. Hoping, one day, you can join us...but knowing it's highly unlikely.
After all... yes, people universally and, yet, inexplicably, love the smell of gasoline.
But, like, a gasoline air freshener? For your car? ...Doubt it.
The human nose can recognize and remember more than 10,000 scents! Do you think a body part this amazing is going to accept the idea of a pencil eraser air freshener?
I'd Rather be Bacon
Every pig's life eventually comes to a crossroads.
Become bacon or a size 51.
It begs the question...
• Be stared at with eyes that are hungry, or stunned?
• Give off an aroma, or an odor?
• Try to get comfortable on a warm plate, or the cold ground?
• Be flipped by a fork, or a forklift?
• Draw crowds to the table, or the conclusion that pigs really are fat?
I think the choice is quite clear.
I'd rather be bacon.
Who wouldn't?
Thank you,
Indiana Kitchen
More Articles...
Page 1 of 6
<< Start < Prev 1 2 3 4 5 6 Next > End >>
